I think your writing has lots of potential. You're especially good with description. Sometimes your use of language is a little inconsistent, and you tend to use passive voice too much. But this is something that can be fixed just by writing a lot more, figuring what you're good at, and strengthening your weaker points.

One thing I want you to consider is specific detail, where you need it and where you don't. For instance, in one piece you have lots of details that feels extraneaous, but in the other, you don't have hardly any.

I really wish you had more pieces up, just so I had a broader idea of your writing.

My final suggestion is just keep writing! You will no doubt learn from it. I can tell you have a love for words, and that's the best starting point.

Ach, ja!

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Hello there.

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"your poetry is deep as the ocean. It makes me want to rite better." !wretchTard

Thanks for the comment and watch...nothing wrong with sounding like a critic you know.

thanks for the comment
welcome to DA pal

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Greetings, good sir. Thy token of friendship is accepted, heh.

Welcome to da!

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